Mess

I'm not proud of myself. In fact, I'm in a mess. It's so stupid to know that I though I'd always have all the asnwers. But the things are going this way...and I have no answer. And I must be glad 'cause I have no answer. I mean...life can't stop. Life must go on...even if you can't rebuilt yourself.

Oh, I'm just in crisis. It's foolishness, I think. Or maybe not. It's just a bit complicated, I don't know.

I'd like to have some help.

Sleepy girl

Hallo, babies! How are you all? I'm too much sleepy. Too much sleepy. I have a cold and took some medicine....and it made me feel almost asleep. Oh gosh. I need my bed.

Classes tomorrow. Have a new house. Really nice, with a wonderful view. And birds, and flowers and little monkeys. Really cute.

I need to find out how much valuable I am. Really need it.

Jay, where are you? Miss you. Neil, meu amigo querido, my beloved friend, miss you.

Take care, babies.

On my own

He flirts with me almost all the time. And he has a girlfriend. He asked me if I couln't invite him for a cup of tea after work. In my house. I live alone. I said no. He's a nice and funny guy so we went out for eating something after work. We talked abit. He asked me if I wouldn't like to watch a DVD with him. In my house. I said no. He asked me if he could help me to box my things 'cause I'm going to move. I said no. He walked with me to my house. He still asked me if we couldn't watch the DVD. I said no. I gave him three kisses on cheeks and went into my house. Alone.

Tonight I found out one of the most wonderful things I could find about myself. I can take my own decisions. I can make my own choices. I can say "yes" or "no" by myself. I don't need help. I don't need advice. I can do it on my own. It's amazing. I thought I wasn't able to take decisions. I thought I was unable. Unable. Unable. And now...now I realise I'm a complete person. I'm a whole person.

Maybe you can't understand what I mean. I don't mind. Finding out what I found out tonight makes all the difference to me. All the difference.

(It was written yesterday night)

Truly

"God is good/ All the time/ Through the darkness night/His light will shine".

Maybe it's foolishness, but now I can understand all the things. And it's not because it's Sunday. It's just because...well...just because He's real to me. Just.

May we all have a great week ;)

Take care, boys.

Long way down

I's perfect to read"A long way down" by Nick Hornby when you're feeling really unhappy. I feel better when I know that there are people so unhappy that they would commit suicide. Nick couldn't have written a better book that I could read these days.

I thought that I had some inner value. You know, I thought that I was so interesting that a guy could be interested in me. But I was wrong. Maybe I'm not that interesting. Or maybe I'm not that interesting to him. I don't know. But you feel really bad when you realise that you're not what you would like to be. I'd just like that he was really interested in me. I think he was. But he's not anymore. And I feel like I am rubbish. It's not fair. Didn't I suffer enough 'til today? For God's sake, why do I just meet idiots? Why do I just meet idiots that aren't interested in me? I'm not ugly, I'm not stupid, I'm not bizarre, for God's sake. What's the problem with me?

I guess you can realise how sad I feel. And you know, you know that there's no medicine for this. There's nothing that I can drink or eat that make me feel better. And I'd like really to die if I could.

September day

Wonderful blue sea. Wonderful blue sky. Wonderful sunny day. A blonde woman with red nails wearing a black bikini enjoys the sun. Nothing can bother her. She's delighted 'cause the water temperature is perfect and she can swim and dip and float.

It's simply a September day and I'm glad.

Red

Always.

Notting Hill?

"Can two people fall in love with the whole world watching?". This is the question of "Notting Hill" movie and, in fact, this is the situation that I'm living now. I know that everything started just because people spoke about us, but I also know that I just took a decision 'cause I wanted to. I just invited him to go out with me 'cause I was longing for this. But I thought that, after the meeting (and they just knew that 'cause somebody saw us having dinner together!), people would stop speaking about us. But it didn't happen. They keep saying, talking, asking and it's irritating. I know that people speak about everything that I do: if I wear a dress, if I change my hair, if I buy a new bag...but I'd rather to be a person to whom nobody pay attention than living this way. It seems that we are a couple of popstars whole life is commented by everyone. That's one of the reasons why I took 12 days off to be away, 'cause I hope people forget this story. I'm sure that things got wrong because of he can't handle with this anymore. And I just wanted that we had time and space to talk, to speak, to decide without these lights over us. And I really don't know if we still have a chance. And I'd like we had it.

7th September

Holiday. Sea. Beach. Breeze. A very sunny day in parent's city. I'm walking happy 'cause it's a wonderful day. I'm better. I can't understand anything, but I'm better. How are you all?

Listening to Roxette. Do you remember them? Marie Fredriksson and Per Gessle are celebrating 20 years! Love those songs..."Listen to your hear", "Joyride", "Fading like a flower", "Dangerous", "Spending my time", etc.

Take care, boys ;)

Sigh

I know that it wouldn't work out. I know that we're too much differents in very important points. But I'm still sad, I'm still unhappy. And I want to go back to the girl that I am, I just want to go back!

But I don't know the way...

Take care, boys.

Dozen

This girl is going to take twelve days off! Twelve days off! Oh, it's so wonderful! And my boss is so lovely!

These days will be greeeeeat days, I'm sure!

Take care, boys. Love you. Jay, miss you. Neil, you know, you're my beloved friend, today and always.

;)

Dressed to kill

Shopping.

A Betty Boop bag. Jeans pants (I love them!). Two pair of sandals. Three tank tops. Make-up.

Dressed to kill.

Take care, boys ;)