Three is a good number

Babies, babies...I'm going to have three days off. Great, eh? Tomorrow: I asked for a day off. Thursday: Holiday. Friday: the Governor gave us a day off. Yuppie! I'm so glad! ;)

Tomorrow I'll have to do looots of things. And I'm craving for "Twenty Something", the first Jamie Cullum album. This British boy is utterly fab, isn't he? And I want to acquire a book, too. Gabriel García Marques. Or...I don't know. Some pocket book in English? It's a good idea.

And...hmm. That's all. I just want to rest and think of nothing.

Take care, friends. Kiss you ;)

Three steps

First: I just arrived from the ballroom dancing lessons. I even danced a Morcheeba song again and also learned how to do a "plié" - a movement from classic ballet, yuppie!

Second: I'm feeling slightly better. I'm feeling alive, free, a little bit different, more confident. Sometimes we know things about us, but it doesn't mean we know ourselves deeply, our features, our skills, our faults or qualities. I'm just trying to know myself a little bit more. I know some things about me, but I don't know myself deeply...but I think I'm in the right path.

Third: It would be wonderful if we were always able to do something for those who we love. I feel so impotent.

Oh, kids. Take care of yourselves.

Kiss you ;)

Mom's breakfast

Saturday is Mom's birthday. I'm planning a surprise breakfast with ballons, "Happy Birthday" poster and all delicious things without sugar (she's not diabetic, but can't eat sugar) that my sister was reminded of: bread, coffee, milk (a special one, without lactose), diet jam, strawberry, papaya and apricot. I just hope Mom won't be awake before nine o'clock... Do you think she will enjoy it? I hope so. I'm a cutie daughter, am I not? ;)

Oh gosh. I'm utterly tired. Need to rest. Need a kiss. Who can give me? Ooh.

Kiss you, then ;)

G-o-r-g-e-o-u-s

Babies, babies...how are you all? I'm fine. I'm bright. I'm a wonderful girl, even if I have some problems. I mean...everybody has problems. Everybody has existential doubts, it's part of life and I won't allow my doubts to make me feel so bad. Nowadays I'm flying over my troubles...and I'm so fine! I feel so good. Was it a miracle? Is it just a better phase? I don't know. But I'm enjoying these days. I'm crossing my fingers to keep living good (and better) days.

I found out two stunning singers: that British girl, Corinne Bailey Rae and a Colombian guy, Juanes. They're utterly fab, and their songs are filling my days and my head. And my soul. And I'm craving for feeling happier - always.

LoVe u AlL....Kiss you.

Not in vain

This is my sixth entry in 6 days. It's a record here. Maybe it's because I'm thinking and playing a lot.

I've always been the kind of person that doesn't believe in coincidence. Everything has a reason, everything has a "why". Things don't happen in vain. It can't be. Maybe it comes from my faith in a higher being, that has the control, knows everything and can do everything. I tried to find out that, if I wasn't a believer, I wouldn't think this way. Well...if I wasn't a believer, most probably I would try to find anything to believe in. I mean...I'm a believer myself! I need to have something to believe in. I can't conceive another way of living, of thinking. But sometimes...if I glance at my life, or what's happening around myself, I really can't understand. I can't find a reason to explain the things. And it's really hard to feel this way. This is not my way to understand life. I mean...if things don't have a reason, why do they happen? I wonder if God is playing dices and yawning at what's happening here. This also can't be. This is not my way to understand life. 'Cause since I was a child I listen to the story of a God that is Love and sent His only one son to die for the human being. Then...if it's right, He's not just playing dices and yawning at everything. Oh...what's happening with me?

(Here there's a so long pause that I wonder if I should end the entry...)

Okay, let's change the subject.

(Another long pause...)

Well...maybe a promise would be better. I promise to make an effort to get better, and you all (let me count...4 readers? :P) promise to keep reading me, deal? Done. You're Super!

Now it's better to think about taking (British English) - having (American English) a shower and get dressed to go to ballroom dancing lessons.

Kiss you.

Daydreaming...

Yesterday I met a woman that is the kind of woman that I'd like to be. She knows me since I was a child, and is around 36. I was having lunch on the mall and suddenly I realise somebody, standing by my side, stroking my hair. I lifted up my head, she was smiling at me and saying: "What a small world, what a small world..." I got very ashamed and smiled at her, feeling a bit awkward (I don't know, but I always feel this way when I meet somebody that knows me since I was a child - it seems I become a child again, and it's sort of strange). She's beautiful, secure, quite nice and has always a brightly smile on her face. And she's sweet, very sweet and calm. I've never meet somebody like her and I think I'll never do. And she's married and has a teenager son that is as beautiful as her. A very nice family.

And...gosh, this is the best part: she's an English teacher and has a Master's degree. So...she knows very well a language that I love since I was....I can't even remember. The only one thing that I remember is that Dad studied English and used to ask me "What's your name? and "How old are you?" just to tease me. I used to thought that the sound of the words was really strange and complex, but I still enjoied the phonemes. So when I was around 10...oh, okay, it's so boring. I'm daydreaming. Actually, I'm slightly sad. And feeling frustrated. Why can't the things be easier? Why can't the things be the way we want? Aargh.

Take care, babies.

;) (Pree's trying to give a brigthly smile...)

Some hours later...

Ian, thank you for the conversation. Thank you for helping me to put the things in their places. Sometimes we just need to face the truth, even if it's not pleasant at all. And sometimes we just have to be patient and wait. Just wait. Patience is a virtue? So I want to have this virtue. I want to wait for what I'm longing for, even if I'll have to wait for ages. Oh not, not this much ;P You know what I'm speaking about. And I feel blessed 'cause I have a friend like you, even if you're so far from me. It's like you always says...O YAY! ;)

Two days off!

Two days off! But you had two days off last month, Priscila! I know that, isn't it wonderful? 12th October is the Day of the Blessed Virgin Mary. And I took 13th a day off. Why, Priscila? Because I can took 6 days off per year, 1 day per month - without losing any parcel of my salary. Isn't it great? I love being a civil servant hee hee hee.

Plans? Plans! I want to buy some fashionable white blouses with "romantic" details! Are you romantic, Priscila? Argh. Maybe. But I don't want to think about it... I also have to go to Beauty Salon - I hate it, I have no patience, but I need to dye my hair, argh. Going to Shopping Center is need in order to acquire "Páginas da Vida" international sound track, hurrah! I've been waiting for this album for ages! And I need to go across the Bay of Vitória to solve the problem of my watch: the glass has a tiny defect because it fell down on the floor, snif. It's just 07:41 a.m. and I've already woke up! But it's so early, Priscila... I know. Maybe I should go back to bed...

Oh! Some days ago I was going to CourtHouse when a guy passed by me and said: "You're really beautiful, eh, girl?" I couldn't even see his face but...you know, I'm so silly - I love it!

Yep! I'm anxious to start enjoying my days off! Hurrah!

Take care, little babies! I know... you'll have to work today and tomorrow hee hee hee :P

Ah! Neil, I'd like to thank you for the book: on Saturday I sent you an e-mail, but I don't know if you got it or not, so I thank you again ;) Anyway, can you confirm if you got the mail, please? :)

I'm leeeeaving now, frieeeeends!

PS.: It's a bit strange to speak about shopping after having written the entry about Becky...

Let your hair down

Well...was it a coincidence? Yesterday I asked Ian: "If you didn't know me, what would you think about me just by reading my weblog?" He answered: "You enjoy life but it could be far better. You are an exciting person but you would love to let your hair down and go wild more. Educated, caring, loving and insecure. These would be my main points if i was reviewing your blogs."

I bought "Páginas da Vida" album and...what did I find? The delicious song "Put your records on" sung by Corinne Bailey Rae, a black girl with a lovely voice - Neil, it reminded me "Morcheeba". And this song says a bit about how I'm feeling nowadays:

"(...)

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright

The more things seem to change

The more they stay the same

Oh, don't you hesitate?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song

You go ahead, let you hair down

Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams

Just go ahead, let your hair down

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

(...)

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright

The more you stay the same

The more they seem to change

Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on..."

...maybe I just have to put my records on...and let my hair down. I'd just like to know how to do it...

Ops! You can listen to this song here. Just click at "Put your records on" and enjoy! :)

(Posted at 05:00 p.m.)

That wise girl...

Becky Bloomwood. Becky Bloomwood. She's a shopaholic. She can't stop shopping. She craves for finding out a sale poster in a shop. She uses her credit card before thinking if she can pay or not. She's used to buy things that she doesn't need at all. She isn't able to save money. She's quite mad, of course. I can confess I got shocked by reading the book. I mean...are there people like her? Of course: there are. She's quite out of control. It seems strange but sometimes I felt desperate just by realising she's always getting more and more debts. Kinsella writes in a funny way, but Becky's behaviour is weird. And I am...I am the opposite: I am the kind of person that knows each one of her debts deeply, I have the control over my bills, I even note down everything I pay or buy.

Okay, I am obssessive. But the other side of the story is: I'm QUITE anxious to know the end of the book! I wonder if Becky will become as wise as me! Or as mad as me...

Take care, babies! Love uuuuu all ;)

(I couldn't choose a title for this entry...)

Hi, guys. Here I am. Waves a hello. Hm.

My boss took 12 days off. On Monday he said to me: "I'm gonna take some days off since from tomorow and you're going to be my legal substitute". What? Without informing me previously? "I'm lost", I thought. I know just a little bit about Criminal Law and I can't remember the Processual Criminal Law at all. "Don't get desperate", he added. Oh, okay.

Well...being a legal substitute is not a problem at all. Until now, I just had to give my signature to some documents that came from Criminal Registry Office, and to some others that I typed myself at Infancy Office. Easy now. I'd just like to be able to earn more 30 or 40 per cent of my salary because the substitution, but dad told me that my boss would have to take at least 20 days off. Argh.

And the weird parcel of this story: my boss - that is the nicest boss in the whole world - took days off to keep working... alone at home. I know, you know: he's workaholic. He can't stop working, no way. He's crazy, of course. But he's really a pleasant, funny and fabulous person. And loves teasing me. Gosh, I think everybody loves teasing me...Sometimes I guess he thinks he's my father: when I got ill ("Not this time" entry) he gave his number telephon to Mary, my colleague, and said to her that she could ring him if I got worse. Lovely. And he is always kidding about getting a boyfriend to me. He didn't get yet...but he didn't give up yet, either. In fact, I have really stunning people working with me. I can't imagine myself at that office without Mary or Priscila, the trainee girl that has the same name as me. Priscila is always happy - she's funny and a great company. When I'm sad - and you can blame my therapist - just her presence cheers me up. And Mary is so calm, quiet and peaceful - another great colleague. Next year Priscila will complete the Law degree and leave us. I wonder who will work with us. I hope he/she will be a good fellow like her. I even said that I'll miss her...and she replied: "But I'll leave the office just next year!" So I explained: "But I know I'll miss you..." She smiled and hug me. A very nice girl.

Well, babies. I'm leaving now. Oops! I can't forget: I'm enjoying my book-gift ;)

Take care, sweety friends ;)

A great mistake

People often think that love is the eternal source of happiness. They say "I love you" with the innocence of those that aren't afraid of living awful moments. They never think that love is, actually, the biggest source of sadness that they ever imagined. It's because of love that come bitterness and sadness in time of diseases, unemplyoment or death. It's because of love that parents get irritated when their child can't get good marks at school, it's because of love that the wife is afraid when her husband is jobless, it's because of love that a son gets depressed when his mother dies, it's just because of love that a daughter feels desperate because an alcoholic father. Love is the greatest source of misery that somebody can find. And, in the other side, it's the biggest source of force that somebody can handle with. Love is the force to support a son that isn't a good student. Love is the force to comprehend a husband that lost his job. Love is the force to keep alive even if you lost a beloved person. Love is the force to wait for better days, even if it seems they'll never come. You can't love just a parcel of the other. You can't love only her/his best part. You can't love only her/his best features, her/his good mood, beautiful hair or intelligence. You can't love only those features that you like or admire. There's no selective love. Or we love entirely, or we can't love. There's no way to control love. There's no way to "tame" it. Love is what control you. Love, just love, is in the control. To produce good or bad days, good or bad feelings, happiness or sadness, cheer or misery. Those who accept to love need to be able to understand that love always brings something with it. Bad or good. Happy or sad. You can't choose. You just have to love. This is the great commandment of life.

To my friend

Yesterday I was thinking of one of the most special persons that I ever knew. I don't think he agrees with me, but I think he has a kind heart, and few persons in this world have such heart. He's still special because he doesn't try to be somebody who he isn't. He's altogether authentic. He doesn't need to be similar to others and it makes him really unique. But the quality that I like most is that he's not afraid of showing who he is, even if he seems weak or silly sometimes. He's humble enough to not try to hide himself, he's courageous enough to show himself entirely. And, in this weird world, few persons have such courage.

I don't know if you were able to find out whom I was speaking about, but it's about you, Neil. You're this special person. Thank you for being my friend, for letting me find out who you are.

;)